Hello and welcome to 1984!

The TSA (http://www.tsa.gov/evolution/innovation.shtm) recently revealed its "innovative" plan to revamp airport security. From a cursory glance, it looks like a cross between the DMV and a slaughterhouse. A detailed read of the site confirms it :)

Now you'll be able to listen to soothing music (because we don't have enough of that on the plane to begin with, right?) as you wait in line to get frisked by friendly-cop, read officer profiles, and get your privates publicized in a giant vacuum tube.

Happy blues

This is one of those things that sound really smart on paper, but just looks plain stupid in real life - like the Ab Energizer belts.












According to the Japanese company, Yumetai, donning these bad boys while eating reduces your appetite. They maintain that this is because the blue shade calms the brain's appetite center and/ also block's rays of red light which stimulate appetite.

Which is a smart way of saying "this makes your food look yucky so you don't eat as much". I'd love to see an obese family sit down at the dinner table, say a prayer and put these babies on in unison.

Aooow!

It's just a map, stupid!

In another episode of "Things Sane People Don't Really Care About" I present to you something that has been bugging me for quite some time now: The inaccuracies with the traditional Mercator Map.

The Mercator Map(which is the standardized map of the world as we know it) suffers from a lot of inaccuracies and misrepresentations. Given that its a "conformal map"- i.e. based on a visual impression of shape, it ignores relative size and proportionality.

Why should you give a hootininny about this? Well, for starters:


1) Africa is 11.6 million sq miles while the former Soviet Union is 8.7 million sq miles. Now take a look at the highlighted portions on the traditional Mercator map below. Does this still appear to be the case?














2) Greenland is 0.8 million sq miles while China is 3.7 million sq miles. Looking at the Mercator map below would lead one to think the EXACT opposite.














My gripe is that this (Mercator) map is the map we grew up on! I mean, from a very young age, we were conditioned to look at the world in a certain way- a way that misrepresented the relative size of many countries. This causes a lot of geographical and cultural bias: Human perception and understanding is relative- Looking at Greenland relative to China would give the impression that Greenland is a lot larger than China, and thus (maybe) a lot more rich in natural resources owing to an abundance of land.

Africa is depicted much, much smaller than the former Soviet Union- which again, is troubling. Imagine if Africa was depicted proportionally to what its actual size was---suddenly, all its internal problems would start looking a lot more urgent given its sheer size.

The things I choose to care about.

Life Before Death

For those expecting light humor, skip this post.

You can always trust the Germans to incorporate something morbid into art- A team of German photographers has just completed an extremely thought provoking, albeit controversial, photo experiment. They've taken a series of portraits of people when they were alive and then again on the day of their death.













I'm having a hard time explaining how I feel right now- its a combination of a million different things. The whole 21 grams thing, the existence of a soul, the end of a micro-legacy, inevitability, how we will be remembered upon our deaths etc etc.

But most of all, I kept wondering how small we really are in the grand scheme of things.

Link: http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/gallery/2008/mar/31/lifebeforedeath?picture=333325401

Winnie the Pooh thanks you

In blind compliance with my recent go-green binge, I present to you: Save The Honey Bees [.com]

Haagen-Dazs has recently brought to light as issue it considers critical- a dwindling in the world's honey bee population. My initial knee-jerk reaction was "Great, less of them to sting me" but that was 2 seconds before my dumass stumbled upon the fact that a great number of fruits are a 100% dependent on honeybees for pollination. A reduction in the amount of honeybees worldwide would cause a direct impact on the supply of pears, raspberries and strawberries.

I, for one, am not naturally charming and rely heavily on these aphrodisiacs to do the trick. So please, for my sake- Help The Honey Bees.

www.helpthehoneybees.com

Green, really, is good

For those living under a rock, there's been an on-going debate in the U.S as to whether reducing CO2 emissions will negatively impact business and economic growth. To simplify things, let's call the people who oppose reduced emissions and stricter compliances "Morons" and the other side, who advocates lower emissions as "People who have a pulse".

Morons oppose governmental measures to curtail global warming, theorizing that doing so would require costly mandates to local and regional businesses. They maintain that the cost incurred to ensure compliance would hamper economic growth in the long run- that businesses would just pass those costs on to customers which would lead to inflation, which would then cause a rift in the time-space continuum and herald in the Anti-Christ .

People who have a pulse figured otherwise. To prove their point, they aggregated all the economic theories forecasting the effects of emission reduction on the economy- and presented it in one coherent model.

The result: Even by WORST CASE scenarios, the economy (of the U.S) still keeps growing at a healthy rate.


See for yourself: http://www.climate.yale.edu/seeforyourself/

Nature Vs Man = Draw

This was one of those freak accidents---except this probably had a bajamillizillion to one odds of actually happening.

A woman, going at 25mph on her speedboat in Florida, was hit in the face by a 75 pound stingray that happened to jump out of the water. I mean imagine that things that have to be going right (or wrong) for that to statistically happen:

1) She needed to be at the exact spot in the boat where she was.
2) She needed to be at some threshold velocity.
3) Of all the routes and lanes to take in the wide open sea, she happened to be on that particular course.
4) The stingray had to jump at that exact time and height.

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5g7HuSme7Ygm9b_e6QvESOHaEvi7AD8VI24F80

That just plain sucks. Pasted below are pictures of the aftermath.

Finally - an excuse to be lazy

The nerd in me loves this- I just stumbled upon an applet that visually mimics how people dream.

All you do is enter certain keywords (upon which you want to base your "dream") and the applet then searches "the Web for images related to those words, and takes them as input to generate an ambiguous painting, in perpetual change, where elements fuse into one another, in a process analogous to memory and free association."

It's a real trip- pasted below are two of the images I got when I entered "poop + fart + zen" as my keywords. Enjoy!

http://solaas.com.ar/dreamlines/

Different bases, similar faces #2

Pictured below is B-Grade Hollywood actor Cliff Curtis. Pictured below him is Indian cricket captain, Mahinder Singh Dhoni, who moonlights as Cliff Curtis in the off-season.

OssiUrPeePee

"Travel agency OssiUrlaub.de said it would start taking bookings from Friday for a trial nudist day trip from the eastern German town of Erfurt to the popular Baltic Sea resort of Usedom, planned for July 5 and costing 499 euros ($735).

The 55 passengers will have to remain clothed until they board, and dress before disembarking, said Hess. The crew will remain clothed throughout the flight for safety reasons."

http://www.reuters.com/article/worldNews/idUSL2975435320080129

Scenario: Some dude gets up to take a piss, and the bathroom's occupied so he just decides to wait in the aisle, his weener inches away from your face. Better, the fat lady next to you has to duckwalk past you to get to the aisle to use the bathroom. Sick.

Would it be tongue in cheek to serve peanuts on that flight?


In conversations regarding this news:

Im Your Dad! says:
the fat lady next to you has to duckwalk past you to get to the aisle to use the bathroom

kathryn says:
hahhah grooooosssss

kathryn says:
and her boobs are swinging at her knees

Im Your Dad! says:
hahahaha

Im Your Dad! says:
some pregnant lady gives birth

kathryn says:
ick

Skyscapes = Awesome

This is one of those products that makes the nerd in me go "@#$%, why didn't I think of it?". Skyscapes manufactures light moulds with real pictures on them that you can use on your ceilings. I think it would be sweet to see these babies in hospitals and airplanes.

A much more sweeter/mindfuck use of them could be as psychological torture methods in prisons.

http://www.skyscapes.biz/product.htm

Goldilocks and the Three Light Bulbs

For all you brainiacs out there, heres a good one:

There is a room with a single light bulb inside of it. The door is completely sealed off and you are on the outside. The outer wall of this room has three light switches. Only one of them switches the light bulb on.

Your challenge is to identify which light bulb it is. You can fiddle with the switches for as long as you want uptil the time you want to open the door. When you open the door and step inside, only one of the switches can be on and you NEED to identify which switch is the real one.

PS: You don't lose if you walk in with a switch on and that isn't the one. You just need to be able to tell which button switches on the light bulb.


.
.
.
.
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ANSWER: Turn on switch #1 and wait half an hour. Switch it off and switch on #2 and immediately enter. If it is #2, you shall see the lightbulb on. If not, its either #1 or #3. To determine that, touch the light bulb. If its warm, it will be #1. If cold, #3.

*Blink*

Fun with Math

Take any number between 10 and 99. Go ahead...take it. Now, add the two digits together. For example, if your "randomly" selected number just happens to be 69, add 6 and 9. Now subtract the total, i.e. 15 from 69. You'll ALWAYS end up with a multiple of 9.

69 -> 6+9 = 15 -> 69-15 = 54

I think I just blew my own mind.

"We do not have any Branch at any where"

This is a flyer from a restaurant just across the street from me. Apparently, they don't exist. Click for a full view.

Fun with Google Images #2

So I google-imaged "Awesome" and I found this. Not very awesome.

Pot-ygamy or Twice Baked: This post gets two headings

So heres the scoop: Some genius from WSU got arrested TWICE in the same night for smoking marijuana.

What he lacks for in wit, he makes up for in sheer persistence. Fell from stupid tree, hit every branch on the way down, etc, you get the idea.

"Pullman police said a WSU student was arrested twice the same night for smoking marijuana. The 20-year-old was arrested Tuesday night with two other men for smoking in a parking lot, police said. They were cited, fingerprinted and released shortly after midnight.

Less than two hours later, an officer saw three men passing around a pipe in a pickup truck and arrested the student again and the two others for possessing marijuana."

Source: AP

Boomerang Comes Back- After 25 years.

This isn't as interesting as it is ironic. But..



"Boomerangs really do come back _ even after 25 years. Officials in an Australian Outback town were surprised when a boomerang arrived in the post. Along with it was a note from a guilt-ridden American who said he stole it years earlier from a museum in the mining town of Mount Isa, and now felt rotten about it.

"I removed this back in 1983 when I was younger and dumber," said the note, according to Mount Isa Mayor Ron McCullough. "It was the wrong thing to do, I'm sorry, and I'm going to send it back," said the note."

AP

"Hey Baby"

Aoow,

This is a basic "inside joke" post/ shout-out for one of my homies. Qudsia, if you are reading this, i am effing surprised :P

PS: Gimme back my DVD's, you mofo!

http://dawn.com/weekly/dmag/dmag2.htm

"Qudsia Bhatty, the voice behind Dial 89, is one of the most popular RJs in Pakistan. And she’s earned every decibel of her popularity."

Hypno

http://www.hypnoteis.nl/

Been a while since I've seen work this good.

Font Leach

This is probably my favorite site for free fonts. Ever.

www.fontleech.com

Fun with Google Images #1

Don't ask me why but I was google-imaging "sex offender" and this picture popped up. Wtf?

Say WHA?

So check this out- Wachovia (say wha!) Bank in Washington D.C was recently robbed of a $ 100,000. What makes this fact awesome is that the crime was reported 11 hours after the incident took place.
















Apparently "It took officials at a Washington Wachovia branch 11 hours to realize they'd been robbed after a guy dressed as a Brinks security employee fooled the bank into giving him $100,000 in cash, says WBAL.

WBAL says that the fake driver showed up about an hour before the real one did. When the actual Brinks guy showed up, he was told that another driver had already picked up the sack of cash. Rather than immediately report this suspicious activity to his company, he waited until he was back at the office.

By the time the bank called the police, 11 hours had gone by."

http://consumerist.com/344096/wachovia-hands-100000-to-fake-armored-car-driver

In retrospect..

Before this season started, I had a list of people I thought would have relevant fantasy value this season. The ones in bold were people I thought were surefire hits and would do really well. They were:

- Trevor Ariza

- Luis Scola

- Paul Millsap

- Amir Johnson

- Jason Maxiell

- Reggie Evans

- Ike Diogu

- Nate Collison

- Juan Navarro

- Marco Belenelli

- Martell Webster

- Andrey Blatche

- Ronnie Brewer (Jazz)

- Louis Williams (Philly)

- Andris Beidrins

- Kelenna Azibuike

- Nenad Krstic

- Boston Nachbar (contract year)

- Lamarcus Aldridge

- Al Thornton

- Al Horford

- Francisco Garcia

With the exception of Diogu, Boki and Ariza everyone else has panned out so far. Oh wait, there was a huge colossal disappointment called Marco (Polo) Belenelli. I was sure Nelly would make him camp out on the perimeter to rain 3's down at will. But oh well, maybe next year.

No Kidding

Jason Kidd is laughing because:
a) He's getting his triple-doubles regardless of how sucktastic his team is.
b) Pavlovic is gonna get bitch blocked by Sean Williams.
c) He just saved a lot of money on car insurance by switching to Geico.

Steven Says....

Here are some quotes from Steven Seagal's IMDb bio. Pretty hilarious stuff.

"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol."

"He and Jackie Chan are friends and Chan offered him the role of the villain in Rush Hour 3 (2007), but Seagal turned it down."


http://former.imdb.com/name/nm0000219/bio

Your Ears. Under Siege.

Holy Salami Nipples! Seagal has an album- its like one of those things you always hear but figure its too ridiculous to be true. Well, its true. And ridiculous.

"Under"dog

"His shorts are long not." Borat

The Lakers decide to go old-school and wear these thong-lets in an attempt to honor Jerry West. Jesus Christ.

Ooga chaaka ooga cha

I’m never having kids of my own, but if I do, I have the perfect plan for them.

If they consistently misbehave, I won’t punish them. Nopes, not me. I’ll just mess with their heads. I'll sit them down and tell them in a very solemn voice that they were adopted and that their real parents were criminals who have now been executed. For cannibalism.

I'll let that sink in for a moment, then sigh and walk away.

Meow

So I was at the airport recently, waiting for a friend of mine, and it struck me - Is it just me or is the part where you walk out of the arrivals terminal like a giant catwalk? People pretty much walk out one after the other down a long path while a ton of random people just stare at them. Next time I come back from a flight, I’m going to strut a little- give the crowd a show, maybe high five a few people and pretend to sign autographs.

Or better yet: I’ll walk all the way to the front, pause, turn around and then head back into the airport only to reappear moments later with a different set of clothes on.

Different bases, similar faces #1

Is it me or does Udonis Haslem look like Samuel L. Jackson?

Gori Gori

Laydeez only. Man are not welcum.

The Shrug

Scholars maintain that this exercise, in its original form, was invented by us Pakistanis.

New Year's Resolution #1

To use any means necessary and procure the following item. Without it, life is futile.

Hips don't lie

Overwhelming proof that Irfan Pathan is, in fact, Irfan Pathan.